Foodstuffs

  • Feb
    2018
    08
    2018 / Feb / 08

    Hummus a Tune

    On Thursday mornings, my mom and I go shopping together, first to Grocery Outlet and then to Costco. Aside from the practical advantages of one fewer car on the road and me not having to buy my own Costco membership, it’s a chance for us to spend a couple of hours together hanging out, catching up, bitching whatever bitchery may be needed as a result of the past week’s events, and reaffirming our mutual belief that very few people in California know how to drive like not completely oblivious fucking morons.

    My mom is awesome.

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  • Jan
    2018
    25
    2018 / Jan / 25

    The Disgusting Beautiful Garbage Angel Burger

    One of my goals for 2018 is to work my way through as much of The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book as I possibly can. But since another of my goals for 2018 is to not die a horrible cholesterol-laden death, I’m trying to limit my Bob’s burger intake to 2 or 3 a month. I made my first Bob’s burger on January 4, so I was definitely due for another.

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  • Jan
    2018
    05
    2018 / Jan / 05

    A Good Manchego is Hard to Find

    Completing the last of what little holiday shopping I do invariably lands me at a bookstore. My family exchanges books, always has, always will. I got about nine this past December, including a stack of cozy mysteries, Black Wave which I’ve wanted to read since one of my sisters raved so hard about it a year ago, and Rasika: Flavors of India which I am going to have all kinds of fun with, fun I shall post about right here on this very blog.

    This year, as I was finding goodies for my loved ones, my eye fell upon something I have wanted ever since it was released. That thing was The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book.

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  • Nov
    2017
    17
    2017 / Nov / 17

    The Portlandia Bundt

    For this, my 7th year observing National Bundt Day by baking an original-recipe cake, I had very little idea what would happen. But I had leftover lemon avocado buttercream in my refrigerator and love in my heart. I also had a bag of cacao nibs and, like many of you I’m sure, any hint of a mention of the word “cacao” brings to mind one thing.

    Thus, in all its quirky, vegan, repurposing, cacao-inclusive glory, the Portlandia Bundt was born.

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  • Aug
    2017
    24
    2017 / Aug / 24

    Vegan Sourdough Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

    This recipe was born of my sourdough starter threatening to gain sentience and run away with one of the backyard squirrels if I left it alone any longer, and my sincere belief that I could not refrain from stabbing myself in the face with a railroad spike if I had to make another banana chip.

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  • Mar
    2017
    30
    2017 / Mar / 30

    The Random Crap in My Kitchen Bundt

    Imagine it’s November 2015, and you are someone who, for the previous four years, has baked an original recipe Bundt cake in observation of National Bundt Cake Day, which is November 15.

    Now let’s fill in some imagine-time details. Close your eyes, and picture a calendar showing November 17. Picture your kitchen counter, showing no sign of any remnants of the cake you baked two days before, because you didn’t bake one. Picture a bunch of odds & ends in your refrigerator and cabinets from various other baking you’ve been doing. Picture yourself just done with the whole idea of ever baking anything else ever for all ever time again ever because you are seriously over carbs and sweets and frosting and you’re already dreading all the Christmas baking you’re going to start in a few weeks. Picture your doneness, your sorrow, your angst, your dread. Now close your eyes a little harder, and picture what you know in your heart will make all of that better.

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  • Nov
    2016
    15
    2016 / Nov / 15

    The Harvey Wallbanger Bundt

    I have been celebrating National Bundt Cake Day by baking an original recipe Bundt every year since 2011. 2015 was not an easy year, the streak almost came to an end, but I persevered and in 2016 headed into November with not only a perfect record but actually prepared. As in, thanks to my phone making notes for me 10 months in advance, I was reminded on November 8th that I needed to shop for the unique ingredients necessary to make the cake a friend on my Facebook page had suggested, a Bundt version of a Harvey Wallbanger.

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  • Nov
    2014
    16
    2014 / Nov / 16

    The Bourbon & Butterscotch Zombie Slayer Bundt

    This is my fourth year observing National Bundt Cake Day by baking an original recipe cake, and as there has been in the three years prior, there is a near & dear emotional tie to the cake I’ve chosen.

    The first year saw my Tiramisu Bundt, a farewell baking as one of the last things I made in the tiny apartment kitchen that was home for almost fifteen years before we bought a house.  The second year gave me the Avenging Dark Chocolate Bacon Scourge Bundt of Doom, vengeance for a wrong done to a dear friend by a food blogger during the previous NBCD festivities, and also to vent some of my frustration at the 2012-13 NHL lockout.  Last year, I honored through Bundt a precious girl who I only knew for a short time but who will live in my heart forever, Chiquita the Pitbull.

    This year, I had no idea what I wanted to bake, so I put out a call on my Facebook page for suggestions, requests, etc.

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  • Nov
    2014
    10
    2014 / Nov / 10

    The Most Comprehensive List of Halloween Candy & Alcohol Pairings Ever Written

    Back in 2014 shortly before Halloween, a Facebook friend posted a link to an article titled “7 Wines To Pair With Your Favorite Halloween Candy”. My thought at first glance was “OH YAY HELL YES” because while the consumption of sugar and alcohol may for some be an enjoyable pastime, for women in their forties it is an invaluable survival technique that can never be too refined.

    Sadly, I quickly noticed a lot of things very wrong with this article.

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  • Nov
    2013
    20
    2013 / Nov / 20

    Chiquita’s Amber & Tan Bundt

    As many of you are aware, November 15 is National Bundt Day.  This is the third year I’ve observed the day by baking an original recipe Bundt cake, and the third year that there has been a unique emotional circumstance attached to the event.  In 2011, I was on the verge of buying a house and, as I baked my Tiramisu Bundt in my tiny apartment kitchen, I knew it would be one of the last things I baked in the place that had been home for almost 15 years.  2012 brought the Avenging Dark Chocolate Bacon Scourge Bundt of Doom, the result of several sources of frustration and annoyance translating themselves into dessert.

    This year, on November 13, I was told by a dear friend that one of the most amazing girls I have ever had the honor of knowing had passed away.

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  • Nov
    2012
    17
    2012 / Nov / 17

    The Avenging Dark Chocolate Bacon Scourge Bundt of Doom

    As many of you know, November 15 is National Bundt Cake Day.  Last year, I participated in an online roundup put together by a food blogger who then turned around and did something I find not only completely uncool and unforgivable, but also not at all in keeping with the spirit of something as fun and frivolous as the celebration of Bundt.

    Seriously.  It’s a day dedicated to cake.  We’re not curing cancer here.  We’re not engaged in a particularly noble pursuit with lasting benefits to all mankind.  We’re just baking some fucking cakes.

    So the bad taste left over from last year’s NBCD celebration, combined with the fact that apparently I don’t get to see any damn hockey this year, put me in rather a more violent mood than is my usual when I’m about to make a cake. 

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  • Dec
    2011
    18
    2011 / Dec / 18

    Chuck Norris, My Kitchen Needs You

    The other day, my holiday task du jour was to reduce 3 1/2 pounds of whole dates to a mush the texture of which would hold a spherical shape when mixed with brandy and covered with chocolate. It is my third year making this particular confection, having met with varying degrees of success in previous attempts, all of which were delicious, if not texturally and structurally ideal.

    The first year, my Black & Decker 750 watt blender proved unequal to this task; the motor is powerful enough to pull a wagon holding three small children and a medium pig, but the blade assembly is badly angled for food chopping. I did not blame the blender, and quietly reassured it that as long as it continued to make me soup and margaritas, it would always have a place in my home and heart. I finished the job with a large knife and some of the most exquisite strings of profanity ever uttered in my kitchen, already planning how different things would be next time.

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