Things That Are Not Artistic Nudes

I spend quite a bit of time on deviantART, scouting out content for The Poetic Pinup Revue.  It’s one of my favorite parts of the job, and it has netted some truly beautiful images that might not have found their way to our pages otherwise.

However, it must be said that for every gem uncovered, there are several layers of non-gemlike material to be got through first, and the majority of them are found in dA’s “Artistic Nudes” category.  Granted, they only wind up there for lack of a more suitable category, such as “Porn by People Who Do Not Have the Balls to Admit Their Work is Porn” or even a more general “Photos of Nipples and Genitals with Little Else to Recommend Them” but, while I will never tell another artist what to create, the following really don’t qualify as “Artistic Nudes”.

~ EXTREME CLOSE-UPS OF PENISES

I don’t care if you were able to light those veins in such a way the resemblance to Picasso’s Old Guitarist is unmistakable.  This is, and will never be anything other than, a really good look at some guy’s junk.

~ FAKE LESBIAN SEX ON TARGET ‘HOME ESSENTIALS’ COMFORTERS

You do us both a disservice by posting these images on dA; I have to look at them, and you are missing out on the many higher-paying markets for this type of material.

~ GRINNING WOMEN WITH THEIR HANDS ON THEIR BREASTS AND THEIR KNEES THREE FEET APART

No, I know.  What you’re actually doing here is making a statement about the higher power of the vagina and liberation from the societal bondage that once insisted women nurture their offspring singlehandedly, hence the flailing labia, willfully hidden nipples, and oh-so-cheery disposition.  But the problem is, a lot of people just don’t get it.  So you’re really much better off not posting these until we as a civilization have advanced sufficiently to give your work the appreciation it so richly deserves.

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